Reading Jane Heiserman’s blogs on navigating the Out-Of-State Obstacle Course have been entertaining and enlightening! They also gave me fodder for this next blog for those of us who have daughters attending college nearby. The nature of this circumstance is different so worth commenting on.
The question jumping out so quickly? How do you set boundaries or guidelines for smooth transitions when your daughter comes home for a day or a weekend? This issue caught us off guard in December, when Mary Claire decided to come home for a few days during her final week of classes. My excitement at having her home for a bit, sleeping in her own bed, and watching our favorite weekly television drama together did cloud the fact that she basically upset the apple cart for the rest of the family!
Gone was our morning school routine with her brothers: Dirty dishes in the sink, cereal box on the counter, laptop and papers strewn all over the breakfast table as if she were in her dorm room working alone on a project. These were clues that her arrival for the longer holiday break might be ‘messy’ and caused some tension to be sure. It also made me realize that we needed to make a plan for her holiday break as well as her future overnight visits which we do relish. What do other parents do to make this transition smooth? I would welcome ideas and suggestions for all of us first time college parents out there.
Mary Claire’s inaugural finals week has come and gone, Christmas and all of its joyful chaos has passed, and we are currently into our third week of the 2nd University semester. Did we make a plan? No, we did not, and, fortunately, winging it all worked out for the short term. I do, however, have some ideas for future visits.
1. Make sure your college student has an out of the way space to layout homework and projects. Somewhere quiet like a basement game table or her bedroom desk area. Even a formal dining room table might be out of the way so the rest of the family banter is not a distraction.
2. Discuss with your daughter the family schedule, asking her how she wants to fit into it instead of trying to change it. In other words, letting her know what time is convenient for our family meal and letting her choose to eat with us or not instead of changing our routine to fit her hunger pains. (Navigating through after school piano lessons, baseball practice for one, basketball for another, etc., only leaves us very specific windows to share a meal. Take it or leave it missy! :-0 )
3. Ask your daughter ahead of the moment for specific things she can do to help out, making her visits fun and enjoyable. Even just setting the rule that she clean up after herself and/or assist in folding some laundry when she has brought hers home to mix in would be helpful.
As a family we have discussed some of these ideas, and I already feel some calmness and structure. Hmmmm…Spring and summer breaks are just around that corner, so additional ideas from readers would be fabulous…
