Sorority Parents Blog

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While my daughter was living under our roof this past week, we realized that she was getting late night calls to rescue friends who had become impaired and could no longer drive home safely. As a parent I realize that attending college is a time for new found independence and with that comes some experimentation and oftentimes some unwise or risky choices.  While I appreciate my daughter’s concern for her friends, as a parent I worry about her own safety when she is out driving at potentially dangerous times in the early morning. (Did I mention my concern for sleep deprivation and that effect alone on health, academic performance, etc.??)

Drug and Alcohol counselors will all say that a tough love approach is the best course for friends who are consistently practicing risky behaviors. There is a saying: Once is a fluke, twice is a coincidence, but three times is a pattern. Doing a favor once for a friend is kind but repeatedly rescuing that friend will only enable the poor choices he/she is making.  Every campus and some Greek Fraternities and Sororities have designated driver programs or taxi services that can be utilized to get a safe ride home late in the evening. Here are some things a parent can do to encourage one’s daughter to make safe choices:

1. Encourage your daughter to create a list of these local services with their contact information. Include the community taxi cab service as well. She can put these phone numbers in her own cell phone and share this list with a friend who may be calling her for rides late at night.

2. Teach your daughter about safe boundaries so she can take care of herself while still feeling like she is being a supportive friend. Discuss the concepts of ‘enabling others’ and ‘boundary setting’, emphasizing that these are key life and relational skills. Suggesting her phone be set to silence or vibrate while she sleeps at night might give her some consistent blocks of healthy sleep.

3. If your daughter is moving home for the summer break and anytime she is sleeping under your roof, make sure and pre teach the family rules and constructively set your own personal boundaries of curfews and other rules that need to be followed to maintain a healthy family culture.

Realizing that we do not control the choices of others, we can still lovingly communicate expectations and hopes for these precious people in our lives…