“Don’t cry because it’s over.  Smile because it happened.”

My fellow NPC blogger, Mary Beth Rice, cited Seuss’s passage in one of her earlier essays and I can’t thank her enough.  The words were my mantra throughout the graduation festivities.

So, I am trying to be a Pollyanna Parent.  I am trying to be glad that it happened – the education and the sorority experience.  I am trying to smile.  But darn it, I am jealous of the parents who have daughters on the verge on this wonderful, once-in-a-lifetime, exhilarating, four-year experience.

I would trade places with them in a moment to relive the little individual events that my daughter shared with me:   Bid Day – posters and poems from “big sisters” –  initiation –  conventions  -  recruitment preparation –  father/daughter events – sorority-motif gift buying -  scholarship dinners – the million printed T-shirts.

I would trade places with them in a moment to appreciate the onset of “bigger picture” happenings:  learning to communicate with my daughter in a new way (Mary Beth wrote about texting, for my daughter and me it was Instant Messaging) -  the making of life-long friendships -  watching my daughter and her sorority sisters learning to take larger and larger responsibilities in the chapter and on campus.  Just thinking about all of this makes me tearful as I swell with pride – I’d better review the Seuss words again.

OK, as I bid sororityparents.com and my daughter’s undergraduate college experience a fond farewell, I am going to smile because it happened.  Also, if I want to relive this experience, I think my daughter might have some photos I can look at.  (Did I ever mention the copious amount of photos these girls take?  Oh my gosh.)

Last weekend a group of my sorority friends gathered in Monmouth, Illinois (isn’t that where you’ve always wanted to go?  Birthplace of Wyatt Earp!!!) to celebrate  Founders’ Day at the founding site of Pi Beta Phi: Holt House, at Monmouth College.  Two of the group had already been to Holt House, but for the rest of us, it was a place we had learned about at our first formal sorority “new member” meeting, many, many years ago. 

Monmouth is utterly charming and Founders’ Day at Holt House, with the local Pi Phi chapter, was more delightful than we could have imagined.

Who did I travel with?  It wasn’t with pledge sisters, and it wasn’t even with members of my particular chapter.  I traveled with “new” friends.  The nine of us represented nine different college campuses and we had met as alums, while serving our sorority as national officers.  What a great traveling group – if you like tremendously capable participators, who laugh a lot. 

(I'm the one in the lower right corner)

Here is my point – sorority membership makes it possible to continue to make dear friends who share similar values after college – through alum clubs and through service to the sorority organization.  The “new friend” making, the fun, the laughing, the working together for a common purpose, is not just for the collegians

For collegians, springtime means the lining up of summer jobs and internships.  So here is what I have been thinking about:  if I ran a business and I was considering two applicants (only one being a sorority member) with similar academic qualifications for a particular position, I would hire the sorority woman.  No question about it.

Why –

1)    Leadership Experience:  The sorority woman has had continual opportunities for holding positions of leadership and observing those in leadership positions.  Over and over, she has been given the freedom to

- try out ideas

- initiate projects and carry them through to the end

- figure out how to motivate people. 

She isn’t just reading about leadership, she is experiencing leadership.  So, when she comes to my business, she has an arsenal of ideas that she has already tried out.  How can the non-sorority member compete?

2)    Open to New Ideas:  The sorority member is a bit of a calculated risk taker.  After all, she DID go through recruitment.  An employee who is willing to (and knows how to) charge into unchartered territories is going to be great for my business.  Can the non-sorority member compete?

3)    Plays well with others:  Hello???  What is a sorority but a group of woman learning to get along with one another in all sorts of situations?  I would feel confident that a sorority member has developed the people skills necessary to fit in well with my other employees.  Can the non-sorority member compete?

4)    Connections:  I know that the sorority member (this future employee) has a large network of friends should I be in the position to hire others.  Can the non-sorority member compete?

Now, let’s forget that I am the “employer” and lets look at this job search from the potential employee’s point of view…If I were composing a resume or interviewing for a job, I would not neglect to mention how my sorority experience enhances my qualifications (see the above #1, 2, 3, and 4).  Sorority member vs. non-sorority member – this is not a level playing field.

I don’t even want to recall every single thing we did incorrectly.  First of all, it didn’t occur to us that moving out of a dorm was a big deal.  We had no idea that she needed parental help.  What were we thinking????   We weren’t thinking that students move out the very second finals are over, and there is no time for pre-planning – so, everything is done in a panic. 

 The low point was when my daughter, laden down with a huge box to send home, accepted a ride from somebody she had never seen before in her life, and was dropped off at a post office –  5 miles away –  that wasn’t open.  There was the long line to return the dorm key, there were text books to resell to the bookstore, there were items to be left at the sorority house, there was an early afternoon plane to catch.  It was utter chaos.

 If you have an out-of-state daughter, here are the simple rules for moving her out of the dorm:

1)       She can’t move out of the dorm by herself.  Somebody in the family needs to fly out, rent a car, and assist.

2)       Two words:  storage unit.  About March, make plans to rent a storage unit.  Even the smallest storage unit can accommodate the mind-boggling amount of belongings of up to 3 sorority sisters…so the space can be shared and the cost can be divided.

  3)       When utter calm descends because her belongings are safely tucked into the storage unit, and you and she are dining at the most expensive and famous restaurant in town, and are spending the night at a cute bed and breakfast because your plane doesn’t take off until the next day, you will know you’ve made it into the Gallant zone.

Birthdays.  This is a good place to start.  During Holly’s freshman year – after we all felt terrible about her first birthday away from all family – we came up with an idea that proved most agreeable.  We sent a cake to my daughter, and an identical cake to each of her grandparents’ homes, to her favorite aunt, and to our home.  We synchronized our watches.  At exactly the same time – 8 p.m. pacific standard time – everybody cut into their cake and toasted Holly’s special day.  (Not to be advertising, but we found that cakes from Dancing Deer – easily found on the internet – ship well).  Hey!  That was fun!  We felt connected.  It has become a tradition.

For my next mini-blog (Tip #2), I think I’ll tell you what we’ve done about storing stuff over the summer.  We’ve done it the wrong way and we’ve done it the right way.

I think it’s sorority and fraternity costume parties. 

My money and my daughter are going to a LOT of costume parties.  I think she told me once that on her campus there are at least two costume parties to look forward to each weekend. 

A tip-of-the-iceberg sampling of themes:  9 to 5 – Where the Wild Things Are – Comic Book – Proud to be an American – East Coast – Spies and Allies – Rep your Area Code – Shipwreck – Jack Frost – Famous Couples – King Kong – Seven Virtues – Grandparents – Fairytales – What I Want to Be -  Holiday – South Seas – Decades – Zoo – Things that Start with “A” – Murder Mystery

Oh my gosh.  How do I feel about this?  Good.

My daughter goes to college in a crazy, high-crime, scary area.  Because the parties on this campus bring all members of the Greek system together, everyone knows everyone.  This is a community – a united front – that can work together and protect each other.  And they do.  From what I have seen, I would give this campus Greek system high grades for open communication and prompt support.  It makes this an okay home away from home.

 But about the costumes?  Apparently a lot of girls invest in colorful American Apparel basics (stock tip?), re-using them over and over, garnishing them with ribbon, glitter, feathers, and assorted accessories to achieve their look for the evening.  Sounds like fun!  My daughter and my money are having fun, but it is actually more important than “fun”, and I approve.  Don’t you think sometimes our money is surprisingly well spent?

But – when our daughters take off for college, do they jump from our environment of 110% study support to floating in the winds of academia like a dandelion fleck?  Isn’t this a bit of a largish transition?  The good news for parents is, just because we have relinquished our supervisory roles, doesn’t mean that our daughters will stop receiving scholastic encouragement…not if they are members of a sorority.

NPC sororities (their officers and local alums) seem to be keenly interested in seeing that their chapters maintain high grades.  On most campuses, it is important and prestigious to be the sorority earning the highest combined GPA for a particular semester.  To this end, a variety of motivating programs are in place -

• scholarship dinners, professors nights
• weekly awards for quiz grades, semester awards for high GPAs, chapter and inter/national sorority-based scholarships
• quirky, fun awards for things like best combined Big Sister/Little Sister GPAs
• some chapters print up a review of courses which reveal the inside scoop regarding captivating, entertaining, and/or reasonable professors
• “Dinner by Major” – sorority sisters who share the same major dine together, to discuss which classes are valuable, which to avoid, which to take which semester, career paths, related summer internships, etc.

Wouldn’t you say that this is a definite PLUS to sorority membership?  To sum up, if your daughter is a member of a sorority, this significant, historical organization is interested in your daughter’s grades!  I feel smug when I consider that it requires a large organization (many of the NPC groups are well over 100,000 strong in terms of all the collegians and all of the alums) to take over where I left off!

One final thought – will anybody in any of the alternative collegiate living arrangements take any sort of  interest in our daughters’ academic pursuits?

Why?

Because sorority membership sets up a support system for life.

The collegiate years – There is a lot of ready information about how a sorority makes these four years a happier experience, with enthusiastic assistance offered in scholarly pursuits, leadership opportunities, philanthropic traditions and social activities.  All right, side-bar:  Yes, I know that lots of people picture “Animal House” when they think of the Greek system.  Aside from being a grotesque characterization of sorority life, do you really think there are no questionable choices made in dorms or apartments?  But I digress…

The lengthy “after collegiate years” time span – This is when the benefits of sorority membership really kick in, in a manner not found in any other type of organization – this is what propels me to forcefully encourage daughters to sign up for recruitment.  Fast forward 15 years – where will our daughters be?  Transferred across the country?  Looking for a new job?  Running a campaign?  Dealing with a family issue?

NPC sororities have alum clubs, world wide, cheerfully offering:  advice – local business referrals – graduate scholarships –  employment networking – and most importantly, a guaranteed comfort zone of sincere friendship.  Having moved to five different states since I graduated from college (or as half the country says, “graduated college”), I can report that the transitions were easier, happier, and more productive because of the sorority alums in each new location.

So, back on my soapbox:  as a parent, I wouldn’t feel like I was doing my job if I didn’t set up a situation for my child that would insure this life-time of sisterly support.  That means I simply couldn’t imagine my daughter – or anybody else’s – not going through sorority recruitment.