MB’s Frosted Sugar Cookies

Dough:

1 ½ cups sugar

1 cup butter

3 cups flour

1 t. soda

½ t. salt

1 t. vanilla

½ t. lemon extract

3 medium eggs

Frosting:

8 T. butter

3 cups powdered sugar

milk

2 t. vanilla

Mix up dough and chill.  Roll and cut out with different size heart cookie cutters.  Bake at 350° 8-10 minutes on greased cookie sheet.  Cream frosting ingredients together and frost cookies when cooled.  Decorate as desired.

Valentine Cookies

Dough:

¾ cup softened butter

½ cup sugar

2 ½ cups sifted flour

½ t. almond extract

Frosting:

powdered sugar

milk

½ t. almond extract

Mix up dough and shape into a ball. Wrap in waxed paper and chill for 20 minutes. Roll out ½ of dough to ¼ inch thickness on floured surface. Cut out and bake 18-20 minutes at 325° on a greased cookie sheet.

The question jumping out so quickly? How do you set boundaries or guidelines for smooth transitions when your daughter comes home for a day or a weekend? This issue caught us off guard in December, when Mary Claire decided to come home for a few days during her final week of classes. My excitement at having her home for a bit, sleeping in her own bed, and watching our favorite weekly television drama together did cloud the fact that she basically upset the apple cart for the rest of the family!

Gone was our morning school routine with her brothers:  Dirty dishes in the sink,  cereal box on the counter, laptop and papers strewn all over the breakfast table as if she were in her dorm room working alone on a project.  These were clues that her arrival for the longer holiday break might be ‘messy’ and caused some tension to be sure. It also made me realize that we needed to make a plan for her holiday break as well as her future overnight visits which we do relish. What do other parents do to make this transition smooth?  I would welcome ideas and suggestions for all of us first time college parents out there.

Mary Claire’s inaugural finals week has come and gone, Christmas and all of its joyful chaos has passed, and we are currently into our third week of the 2^nd University semester. Did we make a plan?  No, we did not, and, fortunately, winging it all worked out for the short term.   I do, however, have some ideas for future visits.

1. Make sure your college student has an out of the way space to layout homework and projects.  Somewhere quiet like a basement game table or her bedroom desk area.  Even a formal dining room table might be out of the way so the rest of the family banter is not a distraction.

2. Discuss with your daughter the family schedule, asking her how she wants to fit into it instead of trying to change it. In other words, letting her know what time is convenient for our family meal and letting her choose to eat with us or not instead of changing our routine to fit her hunger pains. (Navigating through after school piano lessons, baseball practice for one, basketball for another, etc., only leaves us very specific windows to share a meal.  Take it or leave it missy!  :-0 )

3.  Ask your daughter ahead of the moment for specific things she can do to help out, making her visits fun and enjoyable. Even just setting the rule that she clean up after herself and/or assist in folding some laundry when she has brought hers home to mix in would be helpful.

As a family we have discussed some of these ideas, and I already feel some calmness and structure.   Hmmmm…Spring and summer breaks are just around that corner, so additional ideas from readers would be fabulous…

I don’t even want to recall every single thing we did incorrectly.  First of all, it didn’t occur to us that moving out of a dorm was a big deal.  We had no idea that she needed parental help.  What were we thinking????   We weren’t thinking that students move out the very second finals are over, and there is no time for pre-planning – so, everything is done in a panic. 

 The low point was when my daughter, laden down with a huge box to send home, accepted a ride from somebody she had never seen before in her life, and was dropped off at a post office –  5 miles away –  that wasn’t open.  There was the long line to return the dorm key, there were text books to resell to the bookstore, there were items to be left at the sorority house, there was an early afternoon plane to catch.  It was utter chaos.

 If you have an out-of-state daughter, here are the simple rules for moving her out of the dorm:

1)       She can’t move out of the dorm by herself.  Somebody in the family needs to fly out, rent a car, and assist.

2)       Two words:  storage unit.  About March, make plans to rent a storage unit.  Even the smallest storage unit can accommodate the mind-boggling amount of belongings of up to 3 sorority sisters…so the space can be shared and the cost can be divided.

  3)       When utter calm descends because her belongings are safely tucked into the storage unit, and you and she are dining at the most expensive and famous restaurant in town, and are spending the night at a cute bed and breakfast because your plane doesn’t take off until the next day, you will know you’ve made it into the Gallant zone.

Finding an upperclassman or a peer mentor/advisor in one’s college of interest or in one’s sorority can bring a wealth of knowledge and confidence to the new college freshman. In the last few weeks, when Mary Claire has been trying to decide what classes to register for next semester, whether she should seek out part time employment, or even if she should consider running for a sorority office, her older DG sisters have been a huge help.  When she has come to me asking my advice, I have encouraged her to call or text the women she knows and respects living at Delta Gamma.  She also has some special friendships with upperclassmen in other sororities whom she can consult.  This has proven invaluable to her re: the recent decisions she has had to make.

There will always be a handful of older sorority sisters who are involved on campus, leaders in their chapter, and savvy in campus employment and involvement opportunities. They are usually the sorority sisters who enthusiastically love sharing this information with their new members so our daughters should take advantage of this resource.  Peer mentoring is a valuable tool that can assist our daughters in several areas: academics, leadership development, employment, relational and social issues, spiritual development…the list goes on and on.

As the holidays approach we are looking forward to having our college student back home amidst the family chaos. I want to wish all of you a safe and blessed time with your family this month and into the New Year.

You shall have a song as in the night

when a Holy Feast is kept;

and gladness of heart.  -Isaiah 30:29

New Initiates at Delta Gamma-Kappa Chapter, University of Nebraska-Lincoln

es over the years did not put me in that beautiful ritual until now, when I was able to participate as a mother of a new member.   Although Mary Claire suspected I would attend, I did my best to dissuade her expectation using her little brother’s varsity football game as my alibi.  She was not aware that I was present until that very moment when I stepped forward to place my own badge on her during the ceremony.

Earlier that evening, when I arrived at the chapter house to prepare, I was taken to a room where other alumni gathered.  I was stunned to be reunited with three sorority sisters I lived with in college, all of whom had a daughter or special family friend being initiated along with MC!  Who knew?!  What a wonderful surprise and I certainly did not expect all the recollections of undergraduate sorority life to flood back so quickly. It was a loving reminder that being a member of a sorority is truly enduring;  a thread of friendship and love that exists in a constant way throughout one’s life.

Amidst a few shed tears, hugs, and laughter, the experience made a memory for both mom and daughter and I am so glad I took the time to be present. I highly recommend participating in your daughter’s initiation if you are blessed to have pledged the same sorority. Even the young women who had special family friends attend were pleasantly surprised and grateful, making the ceremony all the richer for everyone.  If you are not members of the same sorority, or perhaps not even a fraternity/sorority initiate, you can still participate by sending a congratulatory letter, gift or phone call and by being a great listener when your daughter, in her excitement, wants to share of her experiences and new found friendships in her sorority life along the way…

Mary Claire with her pledge family on initiation eve.

Birthdays.  This is a good place to start.  During Holly’s freshman year – after we all felt terrible about her first birthday away from all family – we came up with an idea that proved most agreeable.  We sent a cake to my daughter, and an identical cake to each of her grandparents’ homes, to her favorite aunt, and to our home.  We synchronized our watches.  At exactly the same time – 8 p.m. pacific standard time – everybody cut into their cake and toasted Holly’s special day.  (Not to be advertising, but we found that cakes from Dancing Deer – easily found on the internet – ship well).  Hey!  That was fun!  We felt connected.  It has become a tradition.

For my next mini-blog (Tip #2), I think I’ll tell you what we’ve done about storing stuff over the summer.  We’ve done it the wrong way and we’ve done it the right way.

Okay…so my last blog focused on my daughter and the challenging path she was on trying to make her way…then I got a bit egocentric after sitting at the dinner table with all men listening to their  “not to be repeated” banter who owned who on the football field…yadayadayada… and I started feeling sorry for myself in all my femaleness!  And then I thought about the rest of you out there (moms and dads alike)  … those of us sentimental (while a bit melancholy) parents who are still trying to adjust to the fact that this unique personality has been torn out of our home!  Because we share the same town, I am blessed to have my daughter pop in for a laundry run, a piece of birthday cake (Her three brothers all had September birthdays!?) or a piece of clothing she discovered she needed for a theme party. This doesn’t take away the reality, however, that in our daily round full of football and soccer games, homework, piano lessons, work schedules, school volunteering, cooking and home management…Mary Claire’s place in all of this is quietly slipping away. I know intellectually that this is part of our family process-to facilitate the loosening and gradual unraveling of our core family. I know the goal is for our children to create their own families interdependently from this one. But what to do about a parent’s broken heart? For my comfort and solace I have created a playlist of songs as a bit of music therapy if you will. Enjoy and try and remember the famous quote by Dr. Seuss:  “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

Parent Play List- October 2009

Slipping Through My Fingers from the Mama Mia Soundtrack/Meryl Streep

Little Wonders by Rob Thomas

Let it be by The Beatles

Sister by Dave Matthews Band

Home by Michael Buble’

Calendar Girl by The Stars

Lullaby (Goodnight, My Angel) by Billy Joel

A Mother’s Prayer by Celine Dion

Now Comes the Night by Rob Thomas

Daughters (Live) by John Mayer

Child of Mine by Carole King

Home by Jenny Bruce

Angel’s Lullaby by Richard Marx

Common Threads by Bobby McFerrin

Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus) by Chris Rice

Night Prayer by Jim Brickman

Here I Am by Tracy Silverman

A Cradle in Bethlehem by Nat King Cole

Find Yourself by Brad Paisley/Cars Soundtrack

The Best Day by Taylor Swift

If you would like to send flowers, the 26 NPC organizations’ flowers, colors, and history are located at npcwomen.org.  A card or phone call would be a welcome alternative to congratulate any new initiate.

Sorority life in the fall is full of theme parties and football games…homecoming displays and parades…philanthropies and big/little sister revelations…inspiration week…So many incredible opportunities for my daughter to forge friendships and relieve a bit of academic stress. Yet, I had forgotten just how overwhelming and lonely that first semester of college can be for a new freshman.  Even when pledging a sorority along with several other young women, it is a challenge to create those initial bonds amidst work, class schedules and studying.

In these first few weeks of her first college semester, I have spent a good deal of time listening to Mary Claire share her heartache and frustration in trying to find her own rhythm, in her stories about the choices others make and her wonderment in how she fits in with those, in her search to seek out friends who share her common values.   I wonder if other parents reading this blog have experienced the same highs and lows I have with Mary Claire, who, from my perspective, is doing an excellent job in balancing sleep, academic projects and exams, smart social choices, etc. Yet, from her perspective she often feels overwhelmed, tired and lonely in not feeling like she’s ‘on top of her game’ like she felt in high school.

Why the difference in perspectives? She feeling like a nobody and me seeing her as so vibrant with much success ahead of her?  Experience and maturity will allow her at some point to be okay with not feeling comfortable in her new “home” just yet.  In the mean time, what can we do to support and encourage our new college student?  I would welcome ideas as the semester rolls on.  Personally,  I have been briefly checking in with Mary Claire on a daily basis and when listening to her share her day with me, I find at least one success to highlight for her. Because we share the same college town, her Dad or I have taken her to lunch a few times as well.   Even buying her a few food items when I do my own family shopping can be a thoughtful gesture. If you don’t live in the same town, mailing a ‘care package’ in the next few weeks with family favorites would be HUGE in lifting an overwhelmed freshman’s spirits!  I know just listening to her articulate her feelings over the phone has relieved some of her stress.

Encourage your daughter to eat a meal or two at the sorority house each week in addition to her Monday night formal dinner. Often the sorority will offer free or reduced meal rates for new members to entice them to come over more often since they do not live in just yet.  It can be difficult at first to make those connections with their new sisters so every interaction in healthy environments helps.  The night Mary Claire learned who her big sister was and the evening of the All House Retreat were two of her favorite experiences she shared with me where she began to feel closer to her new college family.

Big Sister-Little Sister Reveal

Additionally, It is so important for them to know when they need to ask for help; Making that advisor appointment in planning for next semester, knocking on a Residence Hall Assistant’s door if they have a roommate issue or talking one on one with the sorority new member educator if they are not feeling connected can all be ways to create comfort and confidence. Asking for help is a life skill we all need to continue to practice.  Check in on her won’t you?

I think it’s sorority and fraternity costume parties. 

My money and my daughter are going to a LOT of costume parties.  I think she told me once that on her campus there are at least two costume parties to look forward to each weekend. 

A tip-of-the-iceberg sampling of themes:  9 to 5 – Where the Wild Things Are – Comic Book – Proud to be an American – East Coast – Spies and Allies – Rep your Area Code – Shipwreck – Jack Frost – Famous Couples – King Kong – Seven Virtues – Grandparents – Fairytales – What I Want to Be -  Holiday – South Seas – Decades – Zoo – Things that Start with “A” – Murder Mystery

Oh my gosh.  How do I feel about this?  Good.

My daughter goes to college in a crazy, high-crime, scary area.  Because the parties on this campus bring all members of the Greek system together, everyone knows everyone.  This is a community – a united front – that can work together and protect each other.  And they do.  From what I have seen, I would give this campus Greek system high grades for open communication and prompt support.  It makes this an okay home away from home.

 But about the costumes?  Apparently a lot of girls invest in colorful American Apparel basics (stock tip?), re-using them over and over, garnishing them with ribbon, glitter, feathers, and assorted accessories to achieve their look for the evening.  Sounds like fun!  My daughter and my money are having fun, but it is actually more important than “fun”, and I approve.  Don’t you think sometimes our money is surprisingly well spent?