We received a question from a parent wondering what happens if her daughter transfers schools during college and how this may affect her sorority membership.

Membership in a sorority is truly for a lifetime.  Once you become a member of a Panhellenic sorority, that membership stays with you throughout college and your alumnae years.  If your daughter transfers during college to another university that has a chapter from the same organization, the ability to join that chapter is available.  Since membership is for a lifetime, NPC groups do not allow members to become initiates of more than one sorority. Instead, we encourage members who transfer to campuses without their organization to become involved with alumnae chapter activities in the area, where the members continue to make friendships, participate in community service, and grow as individuals.  

Whether women join an alumnae group after graduation or upon a transfer during college, sorority membership connects women with alumnae from all walks of life. Networking opportunities, help in a career search or advice about a new city are just a few ways lifetime membership helps sorority women stay connected.

Tuesday, Recruitment Day One: Eight Events

Mary Claire texted me in the early part of the morning and was ecstatic to receive 12 event invitations! She was able to choose eight chapters to visit and called later that morning to tell me that she had gotten to meet with her Recruitment Guide small group last night and they had all gone to breakfast together today.  There are 13 young women going through Recruitment on her dorm floor so it will be fun for them to connect and get to know one another during this process. Having that small group of new friends is huge for Mary Claire as she does not have a lot of high school friends attending the University with her and one good friend is not living on campus.  I have encouraged Mary Claire to get to know as many girls as she can because it makes it so much more enjoyable and worthwhile.  She called me at the end of this long exhausting day to tell me that she had fun, was totally wiped out, spilled something on her skirt halfway through, and loved several chapters, describing various members at each one.  I viewed her first day of Recruitment as a success because it can be such an overwhelming experience and with her sense of humor seemingly intact, I think she more than survived.

Wednesday, Recruitment Day Two: Five Events

The text came from MC again to tell me she received eight event invitations back for this second day of recruitment and had to narrow it down to five chapters. One of her invitations was from a sorority on campus that she did not visit the day before which meant that one of the chapters she really enjoyed did not invite her back.  She was disappointed. I think in general, we are all hurt or disappointed when someone or some group seemingly ‘rejects’ us.  I visited with her by phone before her day got underway and suggested she focus on the other chapters she loved that did invite her back and let this go and trust the process.

The relationships made in Sorority life can be so enriching but with over 700 young women going through the Recruitment process at Nebraska, there has to be some narrowing down on both sides of the fence so to speak.  Often times chapters narrow down based on a scholastic baseline. If a young woman is not off to a great start with a grade transcript from high school, they can always wait a semester or two and establish themselves on their college campus, meet Sorority women in class and in student organizations and then go through formal Recruitment or possibly pledge in a less formal way depending on their campus process. It takes patience but is well worth the effort and waiting.   Sometimes, too, when a young woman is a legacy to another chapter like Mary Claire, that fact plays into the invitation lists in some fashion.   For Mary Claire, the disappointment seemed to be short lived as she called in the early evening to say how much she, again, enjoyed the day and all the women she had met.  She was sad, though, that some of her ‘residence hall’ friends had dropped out of the process all together. I think some had preconceived ideas about which chapter they wanted to join and didn’t get that particular invitation.  I am sad about this and wish all the young women going through recruitment could try their best to be very open to all the chapters. It seems to me that each group has something for everyone and the diversity in personalities is there if you only look for it.

Thursday, Recruitment Day Three: Three Events and Preferencing

Mary Claire with some of her new friends in Neihardt Hall.

Mary Claire called to tell me she was excited about this last day of events because the time in each chapter would be longer so she wouldn’t feel so pushed.  She was excited to receive five invitations but had to narrow to three chapters and that was difficult as she had met some really special women at each visit the day before.  In the end she would decide to visit Delta Gamma, Gamma Phi Beta, and Alpha Phi. I am a Delta Gamma and during this process for Mary Claire I have been careful to not pressure her to join my sorority but to look for a ‘home’ where she could feel the way I did at DG 25 years ago. A place where she could be herself and feel loved and supported. I have to admit, though, that when DG was one of the chapters she was visiting the very last day, I began to be hopeful that she would pledge Delta Gamma.  I even received a phone call from my ‘pledge grandmother’, Helen, whom I hadn’t talked to in forever. I learned her daughter was an active member and was Mary Claire’s hostess the day before.  While catching up with her on the phone, memories flooded in as we recalled one of the days that she was actually my hostess for an event!

Before I ended my conversation with Mary Claire earlier that day, I encouraged her to look around the rooms at each of the sororities and notice the freshman and sophomore women around her. Were these women she had really connected with and enjoyed getting to know?  These would be the women she would live with the next four years of her life.  The chemistry in those rooms with those younger members and potential new members would lead her on her preferencing path.

Friday, Bid Day: Mary Claire Pledges Delta Gamma

Although Mary Claire did not share with me her preference choices from the previous afternoon, I did get a phone call from the Recruitment Advisor shortly before formal pledging at Delta Gamma to let me know that  Mary Claire had pledged our chapter and inviting me to come to formal pledging. Well that was a wonderful phone call!  I immediately called our dear Delta Gamma friend, Lucy, who is like a grandmother to Mary Claire. Her daughter was my pledge daughter and had passed away a few years ago. We have become very close to Lucy over the past few years and she is one of MC’s difference makers to be sure. Lucy and I decided we could not miss the pledging ceremony so planned to meet at the chapter to surprise Mary Claire. I even found my own pledge pin to share with her.

Delta Gamma new members at the University of Nebraska including Mary Claire daughter of blogger Mary Beth Rice.

The afternoon was memorable for all of us and Mary Claire seemed thrilled and excited (and tired!) with her new friends.  What she couldn’t possibly know yet is just how very special some of these young women surrounding her would come to be to her as they develop their friendships over the next days, months and years.  She is at an incredible time in her life, yet also at an overwhelming time in her life with so many changes and transitions.  Being part of a sorority will help her along her journey…

We received a question from the mother of a potential new member, who is a “beginner” in her knowledge of the sorority system. Here’s some general advice for her and all beginners on sorority recruitment.

For many families whose daughters are considering sorority recruitment, it may seem overwhelming if you’re not familiar with the process or terminology. NPC has launched a Web site, thesororitylife.com, which provides great information about sororities, as well as an e-newsletter with helpful information.

If your daughter is considering participating in recruitment, a good place to start is the campus office of Fraternity/Sorority Affairs, or Greek Life office. On most campuses, these offices are housed within the Student Affairs Division. The director of the program should be able to provide you with the information necessary to register for recruitment and give you an idea of what to expect. Ask about the financial responsibilities and other requirements of membership such as time commitment. Your campus Panhellenic can also provide information about what to wear during recruitment, and can let you know whether or not recommendations are suggested.

Sororities on each campus are different, and so it’s important for your daughter to have an open mind and get to know each group during recruitment. Many groups have Web sites that can provide additional information about their organizations. The best advice is for your daughter to be herself. During recruitment, encourage her to have genuine and honest conversations, spend time really getting to know the members, and look for the group where she feels most comfortable.

So you’re getting ready to pack up the car(s) to take your daughter off to college and sorority recruitment. All the new dresses, shoes, jewelry, last trip to the hair salon, nail salon, the rec letters, last-minute goodbyes, etc. Most likely Mom has taken care of most of these important tasks and you will be relied on for the heavy lifting. Well, I’ve got news for you. That’s just the beginning. The beginning of what was, for me and my daughter, a truly great experience.

I confess, I had heard about recruitment for many years. I even knew that it’s a big deal. What I didn’t know is just how intense it can be; at least it was for me anyway, as I didn’t realize there is the possibility of “mismatching” or not getting selected. It didn’t help matters that on our return home from Athens that Sunday morning there was a feature front-page news story in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution about…yea, you guessed it…sorority recruitment. And not just any sorority recruitment mind you, but sorority recruitment at UGA. And as many newspapers do, they put every negative spin possible in that article to make Greek Life seem like the cause of every evil in the world today. Needless to say, I got a sick feeling in my stomach to go along with all the other emotions I was experiencing.

I have good news though. Recruitment went very well for my daughter-and for me, too. I became so interested in the whole process that I researched everything. So much so that by the time bid day rolled around, I actually knew more about the philanthropies of the AOPi’s than I did about the depth chart of the UGA football team; more about the GPAs of the Zeta’s than who was going to start on the offensive line; I knew the flower of the Pi Phi’s and the Phi Mu colors but not who was leading the FedEx cup on the PGA Tour. And for an avid sports enthusiast like myself, that is saying a lot.

My point to all this is . . . Dads, you have a very important role in recruitment. Be there at the end of the day for encouraging words. Even though your daughter can’t tell you much, you should be able to get a general feel for how things are going. Just show the love and support. And most importantly encourage her to keep an open mind and to not get her heart set on any one sorority because the truth is, all of the sororities are great and do great things. It’s all about finding the right fit for her. My daughter did, and two years later I can honestly tell yo that it has been an incredible experience for her in many ways that I look forward to sharing. Hope this helps and best wishes to your PNM. Yea, Dads . . . you’re about to find out what that means-haha!

OK, I am never asked, but when I hear parents and their high school daughters talking about college sororities, I insinuate myself into the conversation and get pushy about making sure that the daughters plan to go through recruitment.

Why?

Because sorority membership sets up a support system for life.

The collegiate years – There is a lot of ready information about how a sorority makes these four years a happier experience, with enthusiastic assistance offered in scholarly pursuits, leadership opportunities, philanthropic traditions and social activities.  All right, side-bar:  Yes, I know that lots of people picture “Animal House” when they think of the Greek system.  Aside from being a grotesque characterization of sorority life, do you really think there are no questionable choices made in dorms or apartments?  But I digress…

The lengthy “after collegiate years” time span – This is when the benefits of sorority membership really kick in, in a manner not found in any other type of organization – this is what propels me to forcefully encourage daughters to sign up for recruitment.  Fast forward 15 years – where will our daughters be?  Transferred across the country?  Looking for a new job?  Running a campaign?  Dealing with a family issue?

NPC sororities have alum clubs, world wide, cheerfully offering:  advice – local business referrals – graduate scholarships –  employment networking – and most importantly, a guaranteed comfort zone of sincere friendship.  Having moved to five different states since I graduated from college (or as half the country says, “graduated college”), I can report that the transitions were easier, happier, and more productive because of the sorority alums in each new location.

So, back on my soapbox:  as a parent, I wouldn’t feel like I was doing my job if I didn’t set up a situation for my child that would insure this life-time of sisterly support.  That means I simply couldn’t imagine my daughter – or anybody else’s – not going through sorority recruitment.