While my daughter was home during her Spring Break (four kids, parochial school tuition, college expenses=no luxury spring break trip this year?!), we took a day trip into the city to shop and catch up with some welcome “mom-daughter” time. In our conversation to and from Omaha, I asked Mary Claire how she felt about her sorority experience at the University thus far. She was enthusiastic and seemingly feeling connected to her sorority sisters. Her excitement was more elevated than past discussions re: college life and I asked her why. She reflected that it took until this semester midway through to “get there”.

I share this conversation with all of you because some of us who are not Greek ourselves may wonder if this investment in time and financial resources is worth it, and I want to assure you that it is. Not only because of the leadership skills and connections your daughter will acquire through this process, but most importantly, because of those lifelong friendships.  Yet, the first few months of one’s new sorority membership can be stressful, sometimes overwhelming, and even awkward.

For those of you who do have new members in sororities, perhaps even pledging as recently as the first of this year, you may find that your daughter is excited yet feeling a bit shy about her new relationships. This is typical as these women are all trying to get to know one another gradually amidst a busy college load of classes, part time work, and other involvements. The balance of it all is no small trick! Encourage her to hang in there and stay involved.

I asked my daughter what made her finally feel connected and she listed three events that helped:         1. experiencing an all house retreat that had the sole purpose of relational development,

2. Going through the election process and running for a small office while learning how the leadership roles are developed in her chapter, and

3. Participating in the chapter recruitment meetings to prepare for next fall’s recruitment.

All were experiences that helped her know she was “home”.

It was the recent recruitment meetings, though, that especially provided her time for reflection as to what type of women their chapter wanted to attract, giving her an appreciation for the special friendships and shared values that she has already had with her new member class and the upperclassmen. She realized in thinking about who she wanted to share this with in the future that she was in excellent company!  I feel that moving into her chapter house next fall will truly cement this special affiliation.

I have been musing over this for a while. 

For collegians, springtime means the lining up of summer jobs and internships.  So here is what I have been thinking about:  if I ran a business and I was considering two applicants (only one being a sorority member) with similar academic qualifications for a particular position, I would hire the sorority woman.  No question about it.

Why –

1)    Leadership Experience:  The sorority woman has had continual opportunities for holding positions of leadership and observing those in leadership positions.  Over and over, she has been given the freedom to

- try out ideas

- initiate projects and carry them through to the end

- figure out how to motivate people. 

She isn’t just reading about leadership, she is experiencing leadership.  So, when she comes to my business, she has an arsenal of ideas that she has already tried out.  How can the non-sorority member compete?

2)    Open to New Ideas:  The sorority member is a bit of a calculated risk taker.  After all, she DID go through recruitment.  An employee who is willing to (and knows how to) charge into unchartered territories is going to be great for my business.  Can the non-sorority member compete?

3)    Plays well with others:  Hello???  What is a sorority but a group of woman learning to get along with one another in all sorts of situations?  I would feel confident that a sorority member has developed the people skills necessary to fit in well with my other employees.  Can the non-sorority member compete?

4)    Connections:  I know that the sorority member (this future employee) has a large network of friends should I be in the position to hire others.  Can the non-sorority member compete?

Now, let’s forget that I am the “employer” and lets look at this job search from the potential employee’s point of view…If I were composing a resume or interviewing for a job, I would not neglect to mention how my sorority experience enhances my qualifications (see the above #1, 2, 3, and 4).  Sorority member vs. non-sorority member – this is not a level playing field.

Reading Jane Heiserman’s blogs on navigating the Out-Of-State Obstacle Course have been entertaining and enlightening!  They also gave me fodder for this next blog for those of us who have daughters attending college nearby. The nature of this circumstance is different so worth commenting on.

The question jumping out so quickly? How do you set boundaries or guidelines for smooth transitions when your daughter comes home for a day or a weekend? This issue caught us off guard in December, when Mary Claire decided to come home for a few days during her final week of classes. My excitement at having her home for a bit, sleeping in her own bed, and watching our favorite weekly television drama together did cloud the fact that she basically upset the apple cart for the rest of the family!

Gone was our morning school routine with her brothers:  Dirty dishes in the sink,  cereal box on the counter, laptop and papers strewn all over the breakfast table as if she were in her dorm room working alone on a project.  These were clues that her arrival for the longer holiday break might be ‘messy’ and caused some tension to be sure. It also made me realize that we needed to make a plan for her holiday break as well as her future overnight visits which we do relish. What do other parents do to make this transition smooth?  I would welcome ideas and suggestions for all of us first time college parents out there.

Mary Claire’s inaugural finals week has come and gone, Christmas and all of its joyful chaos has passed, and we are currently into our third week of the 2^nd University semester. Did we make a plan?  No, we did not, and, fortunately, winging it all worked out for the short term.   I do, however, have some ideas for future visits.

1. Make sure your college student has an out of the way space to layout homework and projects.  Somewhere quiet like a basement game table or her bedroom desk area.  Even a formal dining room table might be out of the way so the rest of the family banter is not a distraction.

2. Discuss with your daughter the family schedule, asking her how she wants to fit into it instead of trying to change it. In other words, letting her know what time is convenient for our family meal and letting her choose to eat with us or not instead of changing our routine to fit her hunger pains. (Navigating through after school piano lessons, baseball practice for one, basketball for another, etc., only leaves us very specific windows to share a meal.  Take it or leave it missy!  :-0 )

3.  Ask your daughter ahead of the moment for specific things she can do to help out, making her visits fun and enjoyable. Even just setting the rule that she clean up after herself and/or assist in folding some laundry when she has brought hers home to mix in would be helpful.

As a family we have discussed some of these ideas, and I already feel some calmness and structure.   Hmmmm…Spring and summer breaks are just around that corner, so additional ideas from readers would be fabulous…

In watching Mary Claire navigate through this first college semester, it has become clear to me that she has developed some wonderful networks and mentoring relationships, mostly in her experiences with older Delta Gammas and her interactions with her honors program advisors.  It made me want to share my thoughts on peer mentoring with all of you parents out there who may still be looking for ways to encourage your own daughters to seek advice and encouragement from those physically present in their daily lives.

Finding an upperclassman or a peer mentor/advisor in one’s college of interest or in one’s sorority can bring a wealth of knowledge and confidence to the new college freshman. In the last few weeks, when Mary Claire has been trying to decide what classes to register for next semester, whether she should seek out part time employment, or even if she should consider running for a sorority office, her older DG sisters have been a huge help.  When she has come to me asking my advice, I have encouraged her to call or text the women she knows and respects living at Delta Gamma.  She also has some special friendships with upperclassmen in other sororities whom she can consult.  This has proven invaluable to her re: the recent decisions she has had to make.

There will always be a handful of older sorority sisters who are involved on campus, leaders in their chapter, and savvy in campus employment and involvement opportunities. They are usually the sorority sisters who enthusiastically love sharing this information with their new members so our daughters should take advantage of this resource.  Peer mentoring is a valuable tool that can assist our daughters in several areas: academics, leadership development, employment, relational and social issues, spiritual development…the list goes on and on.

As the holidays approach we are looking forward to having our college student back home amidst the family chaos. I want to wish all of you a safe and blessed time with your family this month and into the New Year.

You shall have a song as in the night

when a Holy Feast is kept;

and gladness of heart.  -Isaiah 30:29

When a family lives in Texas and the daughter attends school in California, there are challenges all over the place.  Using the next several mini-blogs, I thought I’d present some obstacles parents face when a daughter attends an out-of-state college, and how we’ve coped.

Birthdays.  This is a good place to start.  During Holly’s freshman year – after we all felt terrible about her first birthday away from all family – we came up with an idea that proved most agreeable.  We sent a cake to my daughter, and an identical cake to each of her grandparents’ homes, to her favorite aunt, and to our home.  We synchronized our watches.  At exactly the same time – 8 p.m. pacific standard time – everybody cut into their cake and toasted Holly’s special day.  (Not to be advertising, but we found that cakes from Dancing Deer – easily found on the internet – ship well).  Hey!  That was fun!  We felt connected.  It has become a tradition.

For my next mini-blog (Tip #2), I think I’ll tell you what we’ve done about storing stuff over the summer.  We’ve done it the wrong way and we’ve done it the right way.