A Parent’s  Adjustment

Okay…so my last blog focused on my daughter and the challenging path she was on trying to make her way…then I got a bit egocentric after sitting at the dinner table with all men listening to their  “not to be repeated” banter who owned who on the football field…yadayadayada… and I started feeling sorry for myself in all my femaleness!  And then I thought about the rest of you out there (moms and dads alike)  … those of us sentimental (while a bit melancholy) parents who are still trying to adjust to the fact that this unique personality has been torn out of our home!  Because we share the same town, I am blessed to have my daughter pop in for a laundry run, a piece of birthday cake (Her three brothers all had September birthdays!?) or a piece of clothing she discovered she needed for a theme party. This doesn’t take away the reality, however, that in our daily round full of football and soccer games, homework, piano lessons, work schedules, school volunteering, cooking and home management…Mary Claire’s place in all of this is quietly slipping away. I know intellectually that this is part of our family process-to facilitate the loosening and gradual unraveling of our core family. I know the goal is for our children to create their own families interdependently from this one. But what to do about a parent’s broken heart? For my comfort and solace I have created a playlist of songs as a bit of music therapy if you will. Enjoy and try and remember the famous quote by Dr. Seuss:  “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

Parent Play List- October 2009

Slipping Through My Fingers from the Mama Mia Soundtrack/Meryl Streep

Little Wonders by Rob Thomas

Let it be by The Beatles

Sister by Dave Matthews Band

Home by Michael Buble’

Calendar Girl by The Stars

Lullaby (Goodnight, My Angel) by Billy Joel

A Mother’s Prayer by Celine Dion

Now Comes the Night by Rob Thomas

Daughters (Live) by John Mayer

Child of Mine by Carole King

Home by Jenny Bruce

Angel’s Lullaby by Richard Marx

Common Threads by Bobby McFerrin

Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus) by Chris Rice

Night Prayer by Jim Brickman

Here I Am by Tracy Silverman

A Cradle in Bethlehem by Nat King Cole

Find Yourself by Brad Paisley/Cars Soundtrack

The Best Day by Taylor Swift

It is the Sunday before we move Mary Claire into her college residence hall room and we are all fatigued and emotional. We have made so many runs to Bed Bath and Beyond that I have officially run out of my giant blue and white 20% off coupon postcards that have been sitting dog eared in a folder in the car! Strewn all over the kitchen table are brooms that Mary Claire has painted…one last art project to be experienced by us all with her paint blotches all over  paper grocery sacks and Styrofoam plates. It is a welcome mess and I wonder if all the color will slowly fade from our house once she is gone. I will miss the canvas and the brushes but mostly the colors that exuded from them as they spilled out of Mary Claire’s imagination!  Her Dad and I fall into bed that night exhausted and shed a few tears. I think we are sad because we still remember what it was like the day we brought her home from St. Elizabeth’s 18 years ago.  It is a mixture of melancholy, regret for things left undone or unsaid, loneliness and love. Time has simply flown by…

It is Monday and we are up bright and early loading the car.  MC’s little brothers head to campus with us to help haul box upon box up to her room. Later, Rich takes the boys home and grabs our oldest son now home from football practice. The two of them pick up a purchased Futon and deliver it to the room.  I t feels nice to have Mary Claire’s brother’s involved in this process. They don’t realize how much they will miss her presence in our home. Good thing we live in town b/c we ended up taking three huge boxes of clothes, etc., BACK home.  She had to edit…what on earth do folks do when they drive from miles away? ;-0   Mary Claire is excited but nervous and perhaps lonely as her roommate will not be moving in until the end of the week. She chose to go ‘potluck’ and was assigned a nice young woman from Beatrice NE. Her name is Leah and she is not going through recruitment but is in the honors program with Mary Claire.  I hope they will learn to enjoy one another. And, I also hope Mary Claire rearranges her clothes and things to only occupy HALF of this tiny room?!  Oh my.

Before we said our goodbyes that afternoon, Mary Claire’s recruitment guide stopped in and was an energetic soul with a wonderful sense of humor and a sincere enthusiasm for Greek life.  We learned there are 13 young women on MC”s floor going through recruitment and they will be in a small group together. Their orientation and first meeting is tonight and tomorrow Sorority Recruitment officially begins. We left Mary Claire and knew she was about to experience an incredible week, forging new friendships and growing in her independence.

As I close this entry I want to say a little something about texting.  I have never in the past been a fan and have made it my passion in some of my educational endeavors to encourage young adults and youth to see the importance of face to face and voice to voice communication. Developing interpersonal skills as one matures is key to having healthy relationships. However, I have seen over the past few years as my kids have entered high school that there is a place for this more technically oriented mode of communication. I encourage all parents of teenagers to at least learn the basics of sending and receiving text messages so they can connect with their young adults. (This younger generation has embraced texting as their main form of connecting with one another and often responds to a text much quicker than even a voice mail on their cell phone or an email. I do believe there is no going back!)

I am not planning on hovering over Mary Claire by any means and am a believer in the healthy launching of these incredibly capable young human beings. However, Sunday evening as I turned in for the evening, I received a ‘goodnight’ text from Mary Claire.  I imagine she was lonely in that dorm room by herself and being able to connect briefly with her made us both get a better night sleep.   The adventure begins tomorrow…