If you daughter is seeking references, she should also seek them for all groups on the campus she will be attending. She may decide when she gets to campus her initial interest in certain groups change. Strongly encourage your daughter to go into recruitment with an open mind. Having a reference sent in will not be a problem should she change her mind about recruitment — most chapters will keep that reference on file in the event she decides at a later date to go through the process.

If there is not an Alumnae Panhellenic in your area, then you will need pick the location closest to you. If the Alumnae Panhellenic does not have a website you can refer to for contact information, you can contact the NPC office at npccentral@npcwomen.org to receive that information.

Some NPC member groups do allow for the initiation of women as an alumna (or post graduation), which could allow for initiation into an NPC member group that was not at the institution you attended.

“Don’t cry because it’s over.  Smile because it happened.”

My fellow NPC blogger, Mary Beth Rice, cited Seuss’s passage in one of her earlier essays and I can’t thank her enough.  The words were my mantra throughout the graduation festivities.

So, I am trying to be a Pollyanna Parent.  I am trying to be glad that it happened – the education and the sorority experience.  I am trying to smile.  But darn it, I am jealous of the parents who have daughters on the verge on this wonderful, once-in-a-lifetime, exhilarating, four-year experience.

I would trade places with them in a moment to relive the little individual events that my daughter shared with me:   Bid Day – posters and poems from “big sisters” –  initiation –  conventions  -  recruitment preparation –  father/daughter events – sorority-motif gift buying -  scholarship dinners – the million printed T-shirts.

I would trade places with them in a moment to appreciate the onset of “bigger picture” happenings:  learning to communicate with my daughter in a new way (Mary Beth wrote about texting, for my daughter and me it was Instant Messaging) -  the making of life-long friendships -  watching my daughter and her sorority sisters learning to take larger and larger responsibilities in the chapter and on campus.  Just thinking about all of this makes me tearful as I swell with pride – I’d better review the Seuss words again.

OK, as I bid sororityparents.com and my daughter’s undergraduate college experience a fond farewell, I am going to smile because it happened.  Also, if I want to relive this experience, I think my daughter might have some photos I can look at.  (Did I ever mention the copious amount of photos these girls take?  Oh my gosh.)

Drug and Alcohol counselors will all say that a tough love approach is the best course for friends who are consistently practicing risky behaviors. There is a saying: Once is a fluke, twice is a coincidence, but three times is a pattern. Doing a favor once for a friend is kind but repeatedly rescuing that friend will only enable the poor choices he/she is making.  Every campus and some Greek Fraternities and Sororities have designated driver programs or taxi services that can be utilized to get a safe ride home late in the evening. Here are some things a parent can do to encourage one’s daughter to make safe choices:

1. Encourage your daughter to create a list of these local services with their contact information. Include the community taxi cab service as well. She can put these phone numbers in her own cell phone and share this list with a friend who may be calling her for rides late at night.

2. Teach your daughter about safe boundaries so she can take care of herself while still feeling like she is being a supportive friend. Discuss the concepts of ‘enabling others’ and ‘boundary setting’, emphasizing that these are key life and relational skills. Suggesting her phone be set to silence or vibrate while she sleeps at night might give her some consistent blocks of healthy sleep.

3. If your daughter is moving home for the summer break and anytime she is sleeping under your roof, make sure and pre teach the family rules and constructively set your own personal boundaries of curfews and other rules that need to be followed to maintain a healthy family culture.

Realizing that we do not control the choices of others, we can still lovingly communicate expectations and hopes for these precious people in our lives…

I share this conversation with all of you because some of us who are not Greek ourselves may wonder if this investment in time and financial resources is worth it, and I want to assure you that it is. Not only because of the leadership skills and connections your daughter will acquire through this process, but most importantly, because of those lifelong friendships.  Yet, the first few months of one’s new sorority membership can be stressful, sometimes overwhelming, and even awkward.

For those of you who do have new members in sororities, perhaps even pledging as recently as the first of this year, you may find that your daughter is excited yet feeling a bit shy about her new relationships. This is typical as these women are all trying to get to know one another gradually amidst a busy college load of classes, part time work, and other involvements. The balance of it all is no small trick! Encourage her to hang in there and stay involved.

I asked my daughter what made her finally feel connected and she listed three events that helped:         1. experiencing an all house retreat that had the sole purpose of relational development,

2. Going through the election process and running for a small office while learning how the leadership roles are developed in her chapter, and

3. Participating in the chapter recruitment meetings to prepare for next fall’s recruitment.

All were experiences that helped her know she was “home”.

It was the recent recruitment meetings, though, that especially provided her time for reflection as to what type of women their chapter wanted to attract, giving her an appreciation for the special friendships and shared values that she has already had with her new member class and the upperclassmen. She realized in thinking about who she wanted to share this with in the future that she was in excellent company!  I feel that moving into her chapter house next fall will truly cement this special affiliation.

The question jumping out so quickly? How do you set boundaries or guidelines for smooth transitions when your daughter comes home for a day or a weekend? This issue caught us off guard in December, when Mary Claire decided to come home for a few days during her final week of classes. My excitement at having her home for a bit, sleeping in her own bed, and watching our favorite weekly television drama together did cloud the fact that she basically upset the apple cart for the rest of the family!

Gone was our morning school routine with her brothers:  Dirty dishes in the sink,  cereal box on the counter, laptop and papers strewn all over the breakfast table as if she were in her dorm room working alone on a project.  These were clues that her arrival for the longer holiday break might be ‘messy’ and caused some tension to be sure. It also made me realize that we needed to make a plan for her holiday break as well as her future overnight visits which we do relish. What do other parents do to make this transition smooth?  I would welcome ideas and suggestions for all of us first time college parents out there.

Mary Claire’s inaugural finals week has come and gone, Christmas and all of its joyful chaos has passed, and we are currently into our third week of the 2^nd University semester. Did we make a plan?  No, we did not, and, fortunately, winging it all worked out for the short term.   I do, however, have some ideas for future visits.

1. Make sure your college student has an out of the way space to layout homework and projects.  Somewhere quiet like a basement game table or her bedroom desk area.  Even a formal dining room table might be out of the way so the rest of the family banter is not a distraction.

2. Discuss with your daughter the family schedule, asking her how she wants to fit into it instead of trying to change it. In other words, letting her know what time is convenient for our family meal and letting her choose to eat with us or not instead of changing our routine to fit her hunger pains. (Navigating through after school piano lessons, baseball practice for one, basketball for another, etc., only leaves us very specific windows to share a meal.  Take it or leave it missy!  :-0 )

3.  Ask your daughter ahead of the moment for specific things she can do to help out, making her visits fun and enjoyable. Even just setting the rule that she clean up after herself and/or assist in folding some laundry when she has brought hers home to mix in would be helpful.

As a family we have discussed some of these ideas, and I already feel some calmness and structure.   Hmmmm…Spring and summer breaks are just around that corner, so additional ideas from readers would be fabulous…

I don’t even want to recall every single thing we did incorrectly.  First of all, it didn’t occur to us that moving out of a dorm was a big deal.  We had no idea that she needed parental help.  What were we thinking????   We weren’t thinking that students move out the very second finals are over, and there is no time for pre-planning – so, everything is done in a panic. 

 The low point was when my daughter, laden down with a huge box to send home, accepted a ride from somebody she had never seen before in her life, and was dropped off at a post office –  5 miles away –  that wasn’t open.  There was the long line to return the dorm key, there were text books to resell to the bookstore, there were items to be left at the sorority house, there was an early afternoon plane to catch.  It was utter chaos.

 If you have an out-of-state daughter, here are the simple rules for moving her out of the dorm:

1)       She can’t move out of the dorm by herself.  Somebody in the family needs to fly out, rent a car, and assist.

2)       Two words:  storage unit.  About March, make plans to rent a storage unit.  Even the smallest storage unit can accommodate the mind-boggling amount of belongings of up to 3 sorority sisters…so the space can be shared and the cost can be divided.

  3)       When utter calm descends because her belongings are safely tucked into the storage unit, and you and she are dining at the most expensive and famous restaurant in town, and are spending the night at a cute bed and breakfast because your plane doesn’t take off until the next day, you will know you’ve made it into the Gallant zone.

Finding an upperclassman or a peer mentor/advisor in one’s college of interest or in one’s sorority can bring a wealth of knowledge and confidence to the new college freshman. In the last few weeks, when Mary Claire has been trying to decide what classes to register for next semester, whether she should seek out part time employment, or even if she should consider running for a sorority office, her older DG sisters have been a huge help.  When she has come to me asking my advice, I have encouraged her to call or text the women she knows and respects living at Delta Gamma.  She also has some special friendships with upperclassmen in other sororities whom she can consult.  This has proven invaluable to her re: the recent decisions she has had to make.

There will always be a handful of older sorority sisters who are involved on campus, leaders in their chapter, and savvy in campus employment and involvement opportunities. They are usually the sorority sisters who enthusiastically love sharing this information with their new members so our daughters should take advantage of this resource.  Peer mentoring is a valuable tool that can assist our daughters in several areas: academics, leadership development, employment, relational and social issues, spiritual development…the list goes on and on.

As the holidays approach we are looking forward to having our college student back home amidst the family chaos. I want to wish all of you a safe and blessed time with your family this month and into the New Year.

You shall have a song as in the night

when a Holy Feast is kept;

and gladness of heart.  -Isaiah 30:29