It has been a few weeks since my daughter was initiated into Delta Gamma and it still hasn’t quite set in yet that we are now sisters in such a special group of women.  I hadn’t been to our sorority initiation since the mid-1980s when I was living in the sorority house. Somehow, my advising responsibiliti

New Initiates at Delta Gamma-Kappa Chapter, University of Nebraska-Lincoln

es over the years did not put me in that beautiful ritual until now, when I was able to participate as a mother of a new member.   Although Mary Claire suspected I would attend, I did my best to dissuade her expectation using her little brother’s varsity football game as my alibi.  She was not aware that I was present until that very moment when I stepped forward to place my own badge on her during the ceremony.

Earlier that evening, when I arrived at the chapter house to prepare, I was taken to a room where other alumni gathered.  I was stunned to be reunited with three sorority sisters I lived with in college, all of whom had a daughter or special family friend being initiated along with MC!  Who knew?!  What a wonderful surprise and I certainly did not expect all the recollections of undergraduate sorority life to flood back so quickly. It was a loving reminder that being a member of a sorority is truly enduring;  a thread of friendship and love that exists in a constant way throughout one’s life.

Amidst a few shed tears, hugs, and laughter, the experience made a memory for both mom and daughter and I am so glad I took the time to be present. I highly recommend participating in your daughter’s initiation if you are blessed to have pledged the same sorority. Even the young women who had special family friends attend were pleasantly surprised and grateful, making the ceremony all the richer for everyone.  If you are not members of the same sorority, or perhaps not even a fraternity/sorority initiate, you can still participate by sending a congratulatory letter, gift or phone call and by being a great listener when your daughter, in her excitement, wants to share of her experiences and new found friendships in her sorority life along the way…

Mary Claire with her pledge family on initiation eve.

Tough Student Transitions…

Sorority life in the fall is full of theme parties and football games…homecoming displays and parades…philanthropies and big/little sister revelations…inspiration week…So many incredible opportunities for my daughter to forge friendships and relieve a bit of academic stress. Yet, I had forgotten just how overwhelming and lonely that first semester of college can be for a new freshman.  Even when pledging a sorority along with several other young women, it is a challenge to create those initial bonds amidst work, class schedules and studying.

In these first few weeks of her first college semester, I have spent a good deal of time listening to Mary Claire share her heartache and frustration in trying to find her own rhythm, in her stories about the choices others make and her wonderment in how she fits in with those, in her search to seek out friends who share her common values.   I wonder if other parents reading this blog have experienced the same highs and lows I have with Mary Claire, who, from my perspective, is doing an excellent job in balancing sleep, academic projects and exams, smart social choices, etc. Yet, from her perspective she often feels overwhelmed, tired and lonely in not feeling like she’s ‘on top of her game’ like she felt in high school.

Why the difference in perspectives? She feeling like a nobody and me seeing her as so vibrant with much success ahead of her?  Experience and maturity will allow her at some point to be okay with not feeling comfortable in her new “home” just yet.  In the mean time, what can we do to support and encourage our new college student?  I would welcome ideas as the semester rolls on.  Personally,  I have been briefly checking in with Mary Claire on a daily basis and when listening to her share her day with me, I find at least one success to highlight for her. Because we share the same college town, her Dad or I have taken her to lunch a few times as well.   Even buying her a few food items when I do my own family shopping can be a thoughtful gesture. If you don’t live in the same town, mailing a ‘care package’ in the next few weeks with family favorites would be HUGE in lifting an overwhelmed freshman’s spirits!  I know just listening to her articulate her feelings over the phone has relieved some of her stress.

Encourage your daughter to eat a meal or two at the sorority house each week in addition to her Monday night formal dinner. Often the sorority will offer free or reduced meal rates for new members to entice them to come over more often since they do not live in just yet.  It can be difficult at first to make those connections with their new sisters so every interaction in healthy environments helps.  The night Mary Claire learned who her big sister was and the evening of the All House Retreat were two of her favorite experiences she shared with me where she began to feel closer to her new college family.

Big Sister-Little Sister Reveal

Additionally, It is so important for them to know when they need to ask for help; Making that advisor appointment in planning for next semester, knocking on a Residence Hall Assistant’s door if they have a roommate issue or talking one on one with the sorority new member educator if they are not feeling connected can all be ways to create comfort and confidence. Asking for help is a life skill we all need to continue to practice.  Check in on her won’t you?

OK, I am never asked, but when I hear parents and their high school daughters talking about college sororities, I insinuate myself into the conversation and get pushy about making sure that the daughters plan to go through recruitment.

Why?

Because sorority membership sets up a support system for life.

The collegiate years – There is a lot of ready information about how a sorority makes these four years a happier experience, with enthusiastic assistance offered in scholarly pursuits, leadership opportunities, philanthropic traditions and social activities.  All right, side-bar:  Yes, I know that lots of people picture “Animal House” when they think of the Greek system.  Aside from being a grotesque characterization of sorority life, do you really think there are no questionable choices made in dorms or apartments?  But I digress…

The lengthy “after collegiate years” time span – This is when the benefits of sorority membership really kick in, in a manner not found in any other type of organization – this is what propels me to forcefully encourage daughters to sign up for recruitment.  Fast forward 15 years – where will our daughters be?  Transferred across the country?  Looking for a new job?  Running a campaign?  Dealing with a family issue?

NPC sororities have alum clubs, world wide, cheerfully offering:  advice – local business referrals – graduate scholarships –  employment networking – and most importantly, a guaranteed comfort zone of sincere friendship.  Having moved to five different states since I graduated from college (or as half the country says, “graduated college”), I can report that the transitions were easier, happier, and more productive because of the sorority alums in each new location.

So, back on my soapbox:  as a parent, I wouldn’t feel like I was doing my job if I didn’t set up a situation for my child that would insure this life-time of sisterly support.  That means I simply couldn’t imagine my daughter – or anybody else’s – not going through sorority recruitment.