Today my husband and I move Mary Claire into her sorority house. She is officially a sophomore at the University of Nebraska in Lincoln. After living at home this summer with her three younger brothers and us, she is MORE than ready to jump in feet first with several other Delta Gamma sisters to ready themselves for formal recruitment, taking place next week.  She is excited to experience this part of sorority recruitment and welcome all of the potential new members into their chapter home.

Having my daughter with us all summer was a blessing but now it is time for her to transition back into her college life. Boxes showed up on her attic staircase a few days ago with clothes, toiletries, school supplies and more. The cozy overstuffed chair in her bedroom that I painstakingly cleaned off prior to her arrival in May so she could curl up and “read a good book” is now covered, barely recognizable, with unfolded clothes, shopping sacks, a few pair of boots  (does one need that many boots?) and several other items that I assume are  traveling with her.

I can’t help thinking….we didn’t get it all in…the time went by so quickly. Yet, we did accomplish and share much… late night talks, a few shed tears, some deep laughter, baking cookies, at least twenty batches of the infamous hot Vidalia onion dip (you might want this recipe!), some shopping, mass together, a few days at Gram’s lake cabin, neighborhood walks, a few of her brothers’ baseball games (did I say just a FEW?), cuddling new kittens, volunteering for the International Special Olympic Games held in our home town, several library books…

I remember blogging last August about my daughter’s college start and how heart wrenching it was for both me and my husband. (Honestly, prior to her departure, I do believe it was the only time we both sobbed simultaneously?!) I remember writing that I felt all the color in our home and somehow gone, referencing my daughter’s personality and her love of art which physically has always been strewn here and there in process.  I am grateful for the color that was brought back home this summer (Did I mention she was in charge of decorations for recruitment? Hello paint, glitter, and tissue paper flowers with all the bling!)

Thankfully, this exit is less emotional (thus not so exhausting?), and, while I know I will feel melancholy for a few days after we send her on her way, as a more seasoned parent I have experienced an entire year of the ebb and flow of her presence in our family and it feels more comfortable. As she begins her second year, I hope she is rejuvenated, rested, and settles back into college life feeling loved.  I remember being anxious myself at the start of each semester; nervous, uncertain, vulnerable …Make sure and arm your own daughter with love and courage. Perhaps even write her a letter of encouragement to tuck in her suitcase or to arrive via snail mail that first week of school. If you are a first time college parent, take heart: The journey will get easier as everyone settles in…

The best way to obtain a reference from your area if you do not know anyone from a specific member group who can write a reference for your daughter would be to contact the Alumnae Panhellenic in your area. Here is the link from the NPC website that will direct you to the list of Alumnae Panhellenics: https://www.npcwomen.org/alumnae-panhellenics/directory.aspx.

If there is not an Alumnae Panhellenic in your area, then you will need pick the location closest to you. If the Alumnae Panhellenic does not have a website you can refer to for contact information, you can contact the NPC office at npccentral@npcwomen.org to receive that information.

As April blended into May, and final exams were complete, my daughter moved home for the summer and I couldn’t have been more excited.   Mary Claire and her many new ‘belongings’ (How did she get all that stuff in her dorm room I want to know??!) have landed for a brief respite in her attic bedroom. Upon her return, I have been reflecting on this past freshman year for my daughter and mulling over the successes and bumps in the road. All in all, it has been a very successful adventure for her and she has grown immensely in learning about herself, about others, and about what she is most passionate.

A huge blessing in her affiliation with her sorority has been the service culture in which they have immersed her.  As a Millennial, she has grown up in a school system that has a focus on community service so she is open and looking for opportunities to work as a team toward a common goal to make a difference.  Through her sorority, she had many opportunities to have an impact on others.

The volunteer experiences she had have run the gamut:  Sundaes on Sunday, helping young women do their hair, nails, and make up for the School for the Blind prom, reading for the blind, nursing home visits, various walks for hearts, for cures, for life…the infamous Dance Marathon.  There were numerous other events including her support of her other sorority and fraternity friends’ chapter philanthropies across campus.

Delta Gamma's Spring Ice Cream Social Fund Raiser

Certainly all of these experiences have prepared her for a lifetime of giving back in whatever community she settles in upon graduation.  I am so grateful that her Greek experience has fostered this in such a fun and rewarding way, and it is yet another important aspect of sorority life that we need to appreciate for our Greek affiliated daughters.

As Mother’s Day approaches I write this blog in gratitude for my own mother, my only daughter, and for the other mothers, daughters, and sisters in my life who are a part of who I have become over the years.  I wish them a blessed Mother’s Day and thank them for all the joy and loving support they have brought to my life.  A quote I read once by Abraham Lincoln says it best:  I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me.  They have clung to me all my life.

As I reflect on my relationships with all of these special women, the women in my circle with sorority affiliations are certainly on that list –and with great fondness.  Though my mom and I do not share the same sorority membership (She is delighted to be Pi Beta Phi as I am blessed to be a Delta Gamma!), her love of her collegiate experience was shared with me throughout my childhood through the stories she told me and in the special women she introduced me to as her Pi Phi sisters while I was growing up.  I always hoped I would have that same opportunity to forge lifelong friendships.

I so enjoyed the family structure within my own chapter and have several humorous and warm hearted memories of special moments with my own pledge “mom”, Amy, and pledge “daughter”, Anne.  Delta Gamma Mom’s Day was also looked forward to each spring as we paid special tribute to our own dear mothers, shared a wonderful meal of sorts, and then hit the mall for some shopping –financed by mom to no one’s surprise?!

Because my daughter and I do have the same sorority affiliation, we are doubly blessed and our chapter provides many experiences for us to share that enrich our traditional mom-daughter relationship. Of all the things I enjoyed watching Mary Claire experience this year, witnessing her relationships bloom with her new sisters was incredible.

The bond between mothers and daughters is passionately strong. While in graduate school, I remember reading an article shared with me by a good friend (and Delta Gamma sister) about the “Adolescent Daughter/Midlife Mother Dyad” and how complicated it can be –sounds way too academic as I drink coffee this morning trying to rally my mind and body around several cold windy baseball games I am traveling to later this morning but bear with me?! Although I had no children at the time, I somehow knew that I needed to tuck the wisdom from that article somewhere in my heart to utilize on another day (and who knew it could be 20 years later?)

The just of the article discussed the similarities that teenage daughters have with their middle aged moms: those of identity formation (she is trying to discover hers while we are trying to reinvent ours), and the insecurity and frustration that might come from transitions physically as our bodies develop, emotionally as relationships change, and intellectually as we add new experiences in our lives and try to make sense of them.

Certainly Mary Claire and I have both made adjustments and transitions the past few years. She has stretched herself in her development of a wider array of friends, in having her basic values challenged by others around her socially and emotionally, and in finding and maintaining a rhythm of time management and growth in her academic discipline to name a few.  (And me…well the only adjustments that come to mind at this early hour involve hot flashes and middle of the night alertness issues but I will get back to you on the other ones soon!)

Back to the point of the article as I ramble on in this blog– to suggest that instead of “butting heads” or taking out our moods and stress on one another, we should be eachother’s support, lifting up and encouraging one another with enthusiasm, tenderness and a sense of humor so to share our energy and hope for what is to come.  There…whew…heavy stuff to ponder on a sunny, windy, cold Nebraska morning… On this year’s official Mother’s Day weekend, I wish all of you a wonderful time celebrating with those you love most.

I’ve experienced the birth of babies and there is nothing like it: when a child who has been conceived in love is born to a man and woman, the joy of that birth sings throughout the universe.

- Madeleine L’ Engle, author and Mother

Delta Gamma Mom's Day 2010

I’ve written about this before – the fun of sorority membership is not just for the collegians.

Last weekend a group of my sorority friends gathered in Monmouth, Illinois (isn’t that where you’ve always wanted to go?  Birthplace of Wyatt Earp!!!) to celebrate  Founders’ Day at the founding site of Pi Beta Phi: Holt House, at Monmouth College.  Two of the group had already been to Holt House, but for the rest of us, it was a place we had learned about at our first formal sorority “new member” meeting, many, many years ago. 

Monmouth is utterly charming and Founders’ Day at Holt House, with the local Pi Phi chapter, was more delightful than we could have imagined.

Who did I travel with?  It wasn’t with pledge sisters, and it wasn’t even with members of my particular chapter.  I traveled with “new” friends.  The nine of us represented nine different college campuses and we had met as alums, while serving our sorority as national officers.  What a great traveling group – if you like tremendously capable participators, who laugh a lot. 

(I'm the one in the lower right corner)

Here is my point – sorority membership makes it possible to continue to make dear friends who share similar values after college – through alum clubs and through service to the sorority organization.  The “new friend” making, the fun, the laughing, the working together for a common purpose, is not just for the collegians